Parents checking Instagram: a good and a bad story

It has been an ironic week. I received two messages from moms sharing their stories with me. One mom had attended a safety presentations where we talked about Instagram. The other mom follows me on Facebook and my website. They are different people with different parenting styles. One had a success story while one had a troubling story to share. However, where the differences end is in the fact that they both have become involved in their children’s online life and both are looking at their middle schoolers’ Instagram accounts (Yippee!)

Let’s start with the good story. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.) Susie walked into the presentation as a self proclaimed technology challenged parent. She didn’t understand social media and was intimidated. As a result, her child had no social media privileges. Her daughter kissed her mother good night as she left for the meeting with the hope that she could get an Instagram account at breakfast the next day after her mother became a social media aficionado.

Susie took copious notes as we talked about the pros and cons of Instagram. She followed along when I walked through how to set up the account so that it is private. The next day, feeling a bit more comfortable and confident with Instagram, she gave her daughter the go ahead to set up an account (queue the cheers from 6th graders). As her daughter downloaded the app and opened her account, Susie ensured that the privacy was set properly and obtained the password from her daughter.

A few days after her Instagram was up and running, I received this in an email:

Katie plays the piano.  It’s a lot of hard work and she always acts like she HATES it.  Yesterday she had a recital, and played a piece successfully that she has been practicing for months.  When she got home, she posted a video of her performance to her Instagram friends.  This morning I got a bit teary when I read over the incredibly sweet and encouraging comments from her friends.  This was just the shot in the arm she needed to continue with piano.  I never thought I’d say this, but “Thank God for Instagram”.  I can tell Katie over and over again how special it is that she can play the piano, but when her PEERS tell her, that’s darn effective (:

The second story comes from a mom who found an Instagram post ‘alarming’. The other day, while her son was at school, she paged through his account. She found a post from another child who her son doesn’t hang around with but is following. The post said this:

Heidi Pic

Alarming? I agree! Alarming on many levels. Is this kid really suffering? Is this kid trying to bother another kid with unbelievable guilt? Is this a middle schooler’s idea of a joke? This mom had no idea who the child was and what the situation might be but she was very concerned. She immediately called the school counselor and told him what she found. Within hours the post was gone. She may never know any of the answers to what was really behind the post, but that is not important. What is important is that she checked her child’s account, found something very troubling and acted on it. She may have helped a child in trouble or maybe prevented another child from being bullied online.

One story makes me feel good and demonstrates the good that can come from social media. Another story bothers and scares me as to how kids use social media and what they are willing to put out there. But the good news is that these are both great examples of what happens when parents take an active role in their children’s online life. Safety levels are increased not only for their own children but for many others. Conversations take place. Kids are educated. Parents are aware.

Thank you to both of you for sharing your stories with me. And thank you for allowing me to share them with others.

Safer Internet Day 2015 Conference

Today, Tuesday, February 10, 2015 is International Safer Internet Day. I will be at Google HQ to attend this conference and learn more about the topics and issues around creating a safer internet.

Over the last couple of years, there has been much discussion around the safety of Ask.fm. Apparently, they have done some house cleaning, contemplated shutting the site down, and now feel ready to be a part of a safer internet. Read about their new approach and changes they have implemented. 

I’m interested to hear what Catherine Teitelbaum, from Ask.fm, has to say about their ability to keep kids safe on this social media app. She will be a panelist on the discussion entitled ‘Beyond Bullying; Dealing with Trolling and Social Cruelty’.

 

Cyber Safety Recap – Catherine Cook – February 8, 2016

Today we looked closely at sexting and internet predators. We talked in detail about the following:

  • Sexting is defined as ‘posting or sending sexually suggestive text messages and images including nude or semi-nude photos, via cellular phone or over the internet.’
  • The students viewed this video about sexting.
  • We examined what, specifically, sexting is and when it is considered illegal:
    • It is illegal if you send a naked or semi naked picture of some one under 18 years old.
    • It is illegal if you take a naked or semi naked picture of some one under 18 years old.
    • It is illegal if you receive such an image even if you did not ask for it and you delete it. You must tell the sender you do not want to receive it AND notify an adult that you received it.
  • The students identified the similarities between street predators and online predators.
  • To illustrate how online predators connect with kids on the internet, this YouTube video was viewed. It does an excellent job of describing what the online predator is thinking and trying to do as well as what a child is thinking as she develops a relationship with this person online.
  • Finally, the students viewed a video called Friend or Fake . This is about a teenagers who connects with an ‘online’ friend and contemplates meeting the friend in person. His friends remind him how stupid it is to meet someone he met online in person.  ***The students were unable to view this video as the school had a drill during the class period.  They will start the next session with this.

Feedback

The topics in today’s session are more serious and sobering than the previous sessions. The 6th graders need to begin to be exposed to these issues, but they were asked to handle them with a greater level of maturity. They did great with them.

The students had a very good discussion about both sexting and internet predators. They had lots of comments and primarily related to the topic of Internet predators.

This session was easily the most valuable one that we have had in the 3 sessions simply because the students were very engaged and had lots of discussion around these topics.

Please take one minute to watch the YouTube video linked above. It is an excellent illustration of how a predator begins to start a relationship with a child online as well as how and why the child falls for the tricks of the predator.

 

 

Cyber Safety Recap – Catherine Cook – February 3, 2016

Today we looked closely at appropriate online behavior. We talked in detail about the following:

  • How fast and how far information can travel when you post something online
  • The consequences of poor online behavior which can include:
    • College admissions officers viewing it
    • Future coaches and bosses viewing it
    • Hurting someone’s feelings or offending people
    • Getting in trouble with school or the police
  • The motivation for someone posting inappropriate things online
    • Not thinking first before posting
    • Not understanding the effects of the post on others
    • Looking for attention and popularity
    • Creating drama
    • Gossiping
  • To reinforce the consequences of poor online behavior, a video was shown in which students talk about these topics.

We worked as a group to develop and agree on a list of rules to guide what the students say and do online. We will add to this list through the next 2 sessions. At the conclusion of the course, we will share this list with you.

Feedback for Parents

First of all, this is a great group of students! I work with schools all over the country and I can honestly say that these first two sessions have been two of my favorites. They are a respectful, smart and kind group of students. They are very engaged and enthusiastic about the topic and offer many thoughts, comments, and experiences.

The once piece of feedback I would like to share with you coming out of this session is that we need to continually reinforce the consequences of inappropriate online behavior. While the 6th graders all had great input and developed some solid rules to guide them, I’m not convinced that they truly understand how long lasting and damaging an inappropriate post can be. If you have a second, take a minute to read this blog article about 4 high school students arrested at Ridgewood High School. If you read the article, you will see a comment that the kids didn’t know they would get in trouble for sexting. I’m quite sure the kids in the article HAD heard this before, several times. We need to continually find ways to reach our kids about the consequences of their online actions.

Great Super Bowl ad! Coke #MakeItHappy

While I find Coca Cola refreshing as a beverage, actually my favorite, this ad that they ran during the Super Bowl was even more refreshing as a worldwide message. This is one that everyone, from 5 years old to 95 years old can relate to.

The message that Coca Cola is trying to get it is described in this way:

With this ad Coca-Cola launches its #MakeItHappy campaign, which the company describes as a “movement to add more happiness to the Web and offset negativity.”

Take exactly one minute to view this and then take one more minute to show it to your kids!