Check your own privacy settings and not just your kids

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While it is critical that parents ensure their children’s privacy settings are set up correctly on social media accounts, this article is a great reminder that parents should check their own privacy settings on a regular basis. Many of us love to share photos of our children as they grow up. It is a great way to share with friends and family near and far. However, parents also have a responsibility to protect their children and this is one way that sometimes gets overlooked.  As stated in the article:

The campaign claims parents are running the risk of over-sharing and creating a digital footprint their child has no control over.

It only takes a minute to check your own privacy settings. Take that minute out of your week to ensure your child’s safety.

News Alert: Snapchat selfie incident

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Here is a text book example of the problems that can arise with Snapchat, or any other social media app. Snapchat is probably the second most popular app among tweens and teens, with the most popular being Instagram. Snapchat, however, provides a false sense of security with the functionality of pictures, or snaps, ‘disappearing’ after a defined amount of time.

Here are a couple suggestions to help you prevent your child from making the mistakes the kids in the article made:

  1. Ensure that your child has the Snapchat account set up properly with privacy settings. In an earlier blog, Snapchat: Do those pictures really disappear forever?, the dangers and privacy settings are described and outlined for your convenience.
  2. Show your child the news article. This is current, relevant, and very relatable for kids. Do not simply tell them about it. The most effective way to help kids really understand the dangers and pitfalls of social media is to let them read, see, or hear real, live examples. While they can tell a parent that they don’t know what they are talking about or that it wouldn’t happen to them, they cannot deny what actually happens to someone else.
  3. Ask you child some open ended questions related to this incident. Let them share their knowledge with you. You may be surprised by what you hear and learn. I have heard things like ‘this happened to my friend’ or ‘so and so tried to get me to send an inappropriate selfie’. When parents stop talking, sometimes the kids start talking.

If you feel like you have had this conversation with your child before, DO IT AGAIN! I am certain that the kids in the article had heard it before. It takes lots of conversations, examples, stories, etc. to get tweens and teens to connect the dots of behavior to consequences.

Cell phone rules and tips for teenagers

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Cell phone rules are one of the most common dilemmas for parents of teenagers: How do I establish rules around the use of my child’s cell phone? There are so many challenges that go along with this. First of all, for both parents and kids, this topic can quickly become a source of negativity. Nobody, parent or child, wants another thing to nag or be nagged about: grades, curfew, friend choices, how they dress, etc. Personally, I much prefer to take away subjects from this list rather than add to it.

Cell phone rules are similar in discussion to technology limits that I wrote about in How Do You Set Technology Limits in Your Family. Certainly you need to determine the needs of your family as a whole and specifically for your child when establishing rules around the use of the phone. It is definitely not a ‘one size fits all’ solution. However, I think that this article from Your Teen Magazine suggest some great starting points in thinking through what might work in your home.

In my opinion, the most important thing to remember is to think this through before you get that very first phone for your child. It is nearly impossible to backtrack on the rules after they have the phone in their possession. Personally, we present the rules of the phone BEFORE we actually purchase the device. If there is push back from the child on the ground rules then we hold off on purchasing the phone. It is a very simple conversation….if you don’t agree to the rules, then no phone.

About a year ago, I was challenged on this very topic. When my daughter was 9 years, she decided that she wanted to save her money to buy an iPad. I figured that after a week or two, this idea would die on the vine. Nope. She pulled weeds, walked dogs, washed her grandmother’s patio furniture and anything else she could do in order to earn a buck. As the summer progressed, it became clear that she was going to save $330 for her ‘very own’ iPad. As she neared the finish line and started talking about the purchase and use of the iPad, I decided it was time to establish the ground rules. She agreed to all but one: Mom takes the iPad at 9:00pm for the night. Her argument was that she was buying it and it was ‘all hers’. I simply and calmly stated that yes it was hers, but we were allowing her to buy this and if she didn’t agree to the rules, she could not purchase it. Not unlike her mother, she is a stubborn and determined child. She said ‘fine, I won’t buy it’, trying to call my bluff. I then suggested that she could buy 3 American Girl dolls with all that money she earned! This was not the response she was looking for. I left the topic alone. After a few days, she came to me and agreed to the rules. A few hours later, we went to the store and purchased the iPad. Had she purchased that iPad and then I tried to establish the rules, it would have been parental suicide for me!

The other big rule that I am a stickler on is no phones, or devices of any kind, at the dinner table. The dinner table includes eating at home or in a restaurant. It also includes family gatherings even if their cousins are using their phones at the table. Meal times are one of the only times that we truly come together as a family and talk. Everyone, including me and my husband, can put their phones down for 30 minutes and talk to each other. This rule started when my children were babies and playing with Leapsters, Nintendo DS, or any other hand held device that entertained them over the years. While I understand that your meal may be much more pleasant if the kids are entertained at the table when they are little, you would be shocked at the quality of conversation you can have at a meal as the kids get older. It is truly priceless. Because we started it young, suffered through a several uncomfortable and quick restaurant visits with toddlers, we now reap the benefits as they are teenagers.

Finally, realize that you can always adjust the rules as your child gets older. Start with stronger rules in place and loosen them where you feel it is appropriate with age and maturity. Remember, as they grow up, the goal is to teach them appropriate technology behavior and to create independence in them.