Using Parental Controls Effectively with Kids

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This is the first in a multi-part series that will look at various parental monitoring options for children’s devices.

 

Welcome to 2021! As the holiday chaos settles, and we start to work our way back to normal (not even sure what that word even means anymore), the new year marks the mental and physical opportunity to reboot (pun intended) certain aspects of life. 2020 (thanks to the many byproducts of Covid) brought a tsunami of changes to the use of technology in family life. The changes came faster than most parents could react and adjust to, primarily in two ways. First, we saw younger kids having unfettered access to devices far earlier than planned and being ill prepared to manage the massive responsibility that the devices require. Second, we saw tweens and teens, many of whom had a high level of technology independence pre-Covid, have exponentially greater time online. Undoubtedly, the changes were, in many cases, unavoidable for the reasons of education, connection to friends and family, and the need to fill countless hours of quarantine.

As we turn the page to this new year, many parents are looking to gain a better handle of their child’s device usage.  With this objective in mind, parents have been asking many of the same questions:

  • How do I know what my child is doing online?
  • Should I monitor my child’s online activities?
  • What is the best way to monitor my child online and increase safety?

None of these questions have straight forward or simple answers. They are questions that require technology management, a balance of communication with your child, and a commitment by both parents and children to work together to manage the independence of technology in positive and effective ways.

As parents seek answers to these questions, it is helpful to consider some basic fundamentals of monitoring:

  • Monitoring does not replace parenting! A child’s device usage may be a problem in your family life but realize that the core of this problem is not a tech issue, but rather a parenting issue that involves technology. Utilizing monitoring tools can be risky because it creates a false sense of security for parents and, often times, results in parents taking their foot off the ‘parenting gas pedal’.
  • No monitoring settings and software are perfect! All safety settings and monitoring software have glitches and work arounds. Kids can simply Google such info as ‘how do I get around screen time settings on an iPhone?’ and they will find an answer. Even more common, one friend discovers how to bypass a safety setting and very generously shares it with all the friends.
  • There is no substitute for education! The most sustaining and long-term solution to ensuring safe online behavior is education of your child. However, this is not a quick and easy answer and can be a long road with bumps and detours along the way. Mistakes will be made, but if parents can work to be involved in their child’s online life and open up lines of communication, there is no 3rd party software that can compare to the arsenal of education and conversation.

Having considered these thoughts, monitoring can still be an effective tool to help with the parenting challenges of technology. Here are a few quick and easy settings that can reduce your child’s vulnerability and increase safety.

Google SafeSearch

SafeSearch is a setting within Google which filters out explicit content in search results across websites, images and videos. As I stated previously, NOTHING is perfect, but this setting is effective at blocking porn sites and sexually explicit content. I also like it for younger users as it will prevent them from mistakenly stumbling on offensive content and images. This link, Google SafeSearch, will walk you through the steps to enable SafeSearch. It can be set on any device that your child uses including laptops, Android, iPads, and iPhones.

It is important to know that you must set SafeSearch, individually, for each browser (Chrome, Internet Explorer, Firefox, etc.) that is installed on the device. In the past, you could easily lock this setting on the browser by using a Google account. Unfortunately, it appears that locking the setting is no longer a feature offered by Google.

YouTube Restricted Mode

Where do kids spend their time online? Common Sense Media reports it is spent viewing online videos. According to the 2019 Common Sense Census: Media Use By Tweens and Teens,

“Online video viewing is through the roof: More than twice as many young people watch videos every day than did in 2015, and the average time spent watching has roughly doubled.”

If this is where kids spend much of their online time, then what better place is there to engage an additional setting that may limit their access to potentially mature or inappropriate content? Restricted Mode, like Google SafeSearch, is a no brainer. Although, this setting is not fool proof and plenty of content slips through the setting, it is certainly better than nothing.

Like SafeSearch, Restricted Mode needs to be set on each device and within each browser installed on the device. However, you can lock the setting by enabling it while logged into a Google account on the browser. Remember to scroll down to the bottom of the setting screen, click Lock Restricted Mode, and enter in your Google password to lock the setting for that browser. This link, YouTube Restricted Mode, provides step by step instructions on how to enable the setting on various devices.

Undoubtedly, parenting during 2020, has brought technology to the forefront of raising our children, if it wasn’t there before. Like most things in life, there are pros and cons to everything. While kids have had tremendously more use of technology both in terms of age and amount, I will argue that these changes have caused all of us to put a stronger emphasis on how our children use technology. There is a growing awareness of protecting our children through both the use of settings like these and educating them to self-protect online. These are skills and knowledge that we all will take far beyond the events of the past year.

 

 

5 Ways to Keep Kids Safe When Gifting Technology

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Hopefully, you are putting the finishing touches on your holiday gifts and are ready to enjoy the beauty of the season. Maybe you are anticipating the squeal of your daughter’s joy as she opens up the gadget that has been on the top of her list for months! Maybe you are anticipating the days of peace after the holiday when the constant begging and badgering for the latest technology will gleefully be absent from your life!

You may also be feeling a little anxious about the world of smartphones, iPads, or gaming platforms that you are about to enter. It can feel like opening Pandora’s black box for many parents. You are entering the world of constant Internet connectivity and the risks that come with this. Or maybe you are dreading the impending battles over screen time, getting your child to look up from a device, not bringing a phone to the dinner table, or to stop the constant texting.

The good and the bad. The yin and the yang. There is always a price to pay for enjoyment. Nothing is free. The question becomes ‘how high a price do you want to pay for your child’s euphoria?’ The answer is up to you. Here are 5 things to consider before you put the bow on the box and give the gift of technology.

  1. Your negotiating power is on the front end. Parents are in the strongest position to set rules and boundaries BEFORE they give their child a device. Talk through rules, limits, and plans before you give the gift. This is the point at which you will have the strongest voice in the conversation. If your child is resistant to the terms and conditions, then hold back on giving the technology. It is extremely difficult to attempt to impose rules once they have the technology in hand. You have forfeited much of your negotiating power. It is not impossible to put rules in place, but it is much easier on the front end.
  2. Create a digital road map for your family. Creating a Digital Road Map is an article that I previously published which explains how to create a plan that lays out what, how, and when technology will be rolled out in your home. In conjunction with #1, this is best done before you allow access to phones, apps, iPads, Xbox, etc. Make your decisions up front and have a plan with policies in place that are clearly communicated to your child. Also consider building in tech free time with your family and tech free space in your home.  And if possible, ask your child or children to help you develop the digital road map. The more bought into the plan they are, the less resistance you will receive from them and the easier it will be to carry through with it.
  3. Set parental controls on devices. Everyday parental control settings get better and better on the technology that kids are using. Take the time to investigate what is available on the particular device. On iPads, iTouches, and iPhones, there are many settings that can be engaged through the Screen Time settings to increase safety. Gaming consoles, like Xbox One, also allow the ability to set time limits, filter games, tv, and movies, and limit access to Xbox Live.
  4. Consider using 3rd party monitoring software. You will need to determine what the primary objective is of the monitoring software. There are many options when looking at monitoring software. After you figure out what you want to monitor, then you can look at the various options that meet your objective. Here are some examples
    • If your child has a new iPad, you may be looking for a way to filter content, set screen time limits and establish a ‘bed time’ for the device. In conjunction with the Screen Time settings on the iPad, you can also use a product like Circle with Disney that works through your Wi-Fi connection in your home.
    • If your child is receiving a smart phone, she will now be able to access the internet through data instead of home wifi. You may want have access to things like texts, phone calls, apps that are installed, time limits and location. Try using Bark. This software works with iPhones and Android phones, although they have different functionality depending on which it is. Bark also has a free one-week trial and the ability to monitor multiple devices under one account.
  5. Engage in conversation and be involved in your child’s online life. Monitoring does not replace parenting! This is the most important part to increasing your child’s online safety. While your 12 year old may have the knowledge of how to open up the box and have that device connected and running in minutes, your child does not have the knowledge or experience to navigate online threats or how to demonstrate solid digital citizenship qualities online. Parents need to develop an ongoing conversation about these topics. In order to have quality conversations with your child, you need to build your technology credibility:
    • Understand how the technology works
    • Stay current on what is trending with your child and friends
    • Be proactive in your conversations
    • Ask your child questions about likes and dislikes around technology, apps, etc. and listen to the answers

If you can do some or all these things, your pain will likely be reduced over the long term, and most importantly, your child’s online vulnerability will be reduced. Being safe and appropriate online with rules and limitations to technology will not limit your child’s opportunity to enjoy the device. Good luck!

The New Year’s Resolution of a 20 Year-Old: Limit Social Media

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We have been looking for someone “in the trenches” to provide some thoughts on what it is truly like to grow up in this hyper digital age. Thank you to Jacob Kelleher, who is our guest blogger, and wrote this insightful article regarding his struggles around his social media use. We wish Jacob great luck in his efforts to be mindful in this new year and hope he will keep us updated on the progress and results of his resolution.

What’s my 2020 New Year’s resolution you ask? The answer is simple: I want to reduce my social media and screen time. Let me guess. You think I am a 40 some-year-old man who is going to explain to you why the young kids of this new, crazy generation should follow in my wise footsteps and reduce their screen time. Would it surprise you to find out I am only 20? Yes, that’s right. I am a 20-year-old kid who, of my own volition, is choosing to put down my iPhone and log out of my social media. At risk of being shunned by my peers, I want to share a little bit about how and why I came to hold a position that is so seemingly radical for someone of my age.

It all started in the last three months (or so) of 2019. I found myself engaging in behaviors and habits that I was beginning to realize were not all that healthy with regard to screen time. I found myself scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or Snapchat mindlessly, and I mean that in the most literal sense. I would scroll through my newsfeed on a platform, exit out because I got bored, and almost immediately reopen the app and start scrolling again. Even though I had just decided I was bored, I found myself going back just to scroll. I also found myself having an actual reflex to take out my phone and scroll through social media. If there was a lull in conversation or I wasn’t 100% engaged in conversation, I would open up a social media account just to scroll without even thinking about it. I even began noticing moments where my friends and I would be sitting in silence, all looking at social media on our phones. It was becoming clear to me that these accounts and my phone were becoming a crutch for me to avoid idle time or even social interaction. That was not ok with me.

So in response, I decided to make this idea of less screen time my New Year’s resolution. We all know how easy it is to drop a New Year’s resolution. In fact, recent research shows 88% of people fail to stick to a New year’s resolution. In the hopes of not becoming part of that statistic, I have laid out goals for myself as well as plans for how to achieve them.

My goals are to not use social media for more than two hours each day, not to use social media while spending time with friends or family, and not to use social media just because there is nothing else to do. I think that three specific goals are an appropriately challenging, yet an appropriately attainable amount to aspire for, and I think each one will uniquely help me reduce the problematic habits I have developed over the last few years.

As for the how, the easiest strategy is screen time restrictions. The new iOS software for iPhones allows users to create a list of apps and a time limit. My phone will then lock me out when the combined amount of screen time spent on all those applications in one day reaches the limit. I have made a 2-hour time limit for Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and TikTok. This will force me to only use the applications when I think it is worth my time. For if I don’t, I may get locked out early in the day and be unable to use social media later in the day.

As a second strategy, I’ve also decided to stop charging my phone right next to my bed each night. By putting it out of reach, it prevents social media from being the last thing I see before bed and the first thing I see when I wake up.

The last strategy is the hardest: self-monitoring. It’s on me to continue to be reflective and notice when I am using my phone. If I want to use it less with friends and less in general, I need to be able to notice when I am failing at that goal and put my phone down.

In the end, I am 20 years old. Like many of my peers I love social media and I think (perhaps somewhat naively) the positives vastly outweigh the negatives. However, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I am hopeful that as technology and development continue to accelerate my peers and the next generations can join me in capitalizing on the benefits of social media while also keeping a watchful eye out to prevent it from taking over our lives.

Jacob Kelleher is a 20 year-old junior at Boston College. He is currently double majoring in Secondary Education and Mathematics and minoring in Educational Theatre. He also is an avid participant in the Boston College Theatre Department and has worked professionally in Chicago as a Stage Manager. He hopes to one day be a high school theatre teacher.

 

Social Media Posts Gone Bad: The Consequences

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Can a pro athlete lose his multimillion-dollar job for what he said online? Just ask Jermaine Whitehead, NFL Cleveland Brown’s safety, who was fired Monday for his “unacceptable and highly inappropriate” twitter posts made after a rough game the previous day.

Can a high school student be arrested for “joking around” about having a school staff member killed via Instagram? Just ask Nicholas Godfrey, a student at Fivay High School, who was arrested last week and charged with 1st degree attempt to solicit murder.

Permanency and lack of privacy are two of the most important concepts kids need to understand about the Internet, specifically the use of social media. EVERYTHING is permanent. NOTHING is private. Educators and parents can attempt to explain this all day. However, the most effective teaching tools, in my opinion, are the real-life stories, experiences, and mistakes of others.

More and more frequently, we are seeing an increasing intolerance to questionable, online posts. This year, in the NFL, more than one player has been released from a multimillion-dollar contract (i.e. being fired), in part, for how they voiced their displeasure with their employers, teammates, and fans via social media. The intolerable act isn’t always the same; it may be the message being communicated and/or the specific words that they chose to use. The message the Cleveland Browns delivered to Jermaine Whitehead was his vulgar and attacking tweets will not be tolerated. If you embarrass and humiliate your employer, whether it be an NFL team or simply Panera, through your use of social media, you will suffer the consequences. A Panera employee’s post on TikTok, where she indicates the company uses frozen, bagged mac and cheese instead of fresh, has been viewed more than 10 million times on Twitter. She, like Jermaine Whitehead, was released from her job for her public comments.

Similarly, Nicholas Godfrey illustrates the seriousness of social media posts. There is no “just joking” out clause, especially when it comes to threats of school violence. Sheriff Chris Nocco said “It doesn’t matter if someone says I was joking, it doesn’t matter what their intent is. When you do it, when you post it out there on social media, you’ve committed that crime”.

My hope is that you share these articles and videos with your kids. My experience with teaching students is examples of real-life people are very impactful. It also provides a safe, non-threatening platform to have discussion about concepts of permanency and privacy online. Some questions you could pose to start a conversation are:

  • Do you think it is fair that these people got fired for tweets and posts they made?
  • Does it matter if you use a private account?
  • Should the student have been arrested for joking about shooting a staff person?
  • Will these posts affect them in the future, like finding another job or getting into college?

Let your kids talk. Listen. Hold your tongue. You may not agree with the answers you hear and that is ok. Simply processing their thoughts and articulating their answers is an important part of the process to understanding these concepts and internalizing them to their own online actions.                 

TikTok Safety: What You Need to Know

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As fall rolls in and the school year is in full swing, the same question is being posed repeatedly from parents: What is TikTok? And the natural follow-up question: Why are kids crazy over this?

Let’s start with the first question. The simple answer is TikTok is an app for creating short videos and sharing them, just like any other social media platform.  However, unlike other social media platforms, the short, 15-second videos replay in a continuous loop and demonstrate entertaining lip-sync, dance, and comedy.  Accounts can be public (sharing with any other user on the platform) or private (sharing only with approved friends on the platform).

Where did TikTok come from?

Does this app sound oddly familiar? It might, as it was originally known as Musical.ly which also became very popular with kids anywhere from 8-18 years old. TikTok was originally created by a Chinese company, ByteDance, and was not available in the United States. In November 2017, ByteDance purchased Musical.ly, and in August 2018, they shut down Musical.ly and merged it into TikTok. Essentially, TikTok is a more robust version of Musical.ly with a far larger, worldwide audience.

How popular is TikTok?

It is widely popular! Here are a few statistics for you:

  • TikTok has 500 million active users worldwide. As a point of comparison, Snapchat has 190 million active users.
  • In September 2019, TikTok became the #1 free non-gaming iOS app in the US.
  • TikTok is the topmost downloaded app in the App Store.
  • More than 1 billion videos are viewed every day.
  • 56% of TikTok users are male compared to 44% female.
  • The average time spent on the site is 52 minutes per day creating, viewing and sharing videos.

What do I need to know about TikTok to keep my child safe?

Quite honestly, the concerns around TikTok are like other social media apps: privacy, content, and connection to other users on the app. Here are some things to consider:

  • Accounts automatically default to public when they are created. Make sure that your child’s account is set to private and periodically double check that your child has not switched back to public. Many kids want to connect to as many people as possible and will change the setting back to public.
  • The app has an age restriction of 13 years. This essentially means that the app is not safe nor appropriate for younger users. While many children just want to create the videos, remember that they can search and view any public videos. There is content on the site that is highly inappropriate for younger kids. If your child is using this, consider using it with them so you can see the content that is being viewed.
  • Direct messaging is available on TikTok. This allows users to communicate with each other within the app itself. Many parents, as a safety measure, periodically check their children’s text messages in an effort to know who they are communicating with and fail to realize that most social media apps have direct messaging features that performs the same function as texting. The main difference is that no phone number is needed. So, any user on TikTok can communicate with friends or strangers on the platform, through the direct messaging feature. Again, privacy settings are important to consider with direct messaging

Kids are finding TikTok to be wildly entertaining, and it provides an excellent space for creativity and connection with others when used safely and appropriately. If you are still wondering what the attraction is and how to interact with your child, you are not alone. Take 2 minutes to view this lovely video created by Reese Witherspoon who asks these same questions to her 15-year-old son.

Adjusting Back to School Routines, Sleep, and Technology

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Here it is…. the traditional Labor Day weekend, the proverbial “end of summer”. For kids, the “end of summer” is marked by the first day of school. Some kids’ summer ended weeks ago, and Labor Day is just another day off school, but for others, summer will end this week as the east coast schools start their school year.

Regardless of when the school year started, we need to transition back into the routine of school. Summer affords all of us, students and parents alike, an opportunity to relax the routine a bit and recharge the batteries. But reentry into the school year can be an adjustment for everyone.

Two concerns with the return to school are sleep and time with technology. Here are 4 things to consider balancing technology, schoolwork, sleep routines, etc:

Reset the rules.

Whenever there is a change in routine, it is a good opportunity for both parents and kids to revisit the discussion around technology use, time limits, and rules. Often, the boundaries and rules slip during the relaxed nature of summer. Now is the time to open the conversation. If your child has an Apple device, consider using the Screen Time functionality native to the device to build awareness and assist in establishing boundaries and limits.

Balance homework and use of technology.

This is a great question to ask at your Back to School night: How will my child be using technology for homework? If the school has a school issued device program, the expectations might be high with most homework utilizing the device. As you work to establish screen time limits, this can often be a challenging issue. It is difficult to discern the difference in use between homework and recreation. Additionally, many kids struggle to avoid the distraction of YouTube, ESPN, social media, and online gaming when using devices for homework. It is helpful to ask the question and have a clear expectation of technology and homework. If your child is using technology for homework, consider having a central homework location to ensure the devices are being used appropriately during this time and distractions are being avoided. Here are some other questions to ask regarding technology in the classroom.

Consider the balance of technology in your child’s life.

With more and more schools moving to dedicated 1:1 technology programs, we have to consider the balance of time looking at screens not only recreationally but educationally as well. For example, my daughter who is a sophomore in high school, told me one day last week that she had been looking at her iPad for over 10 hours that day when she summed up the time in class and homework. That struck me as excessive, out of balance, and unhealthy. With the emphasis on technology as learning tools in the schools on the rise, it is more important than ever for us to stress that balance to our children. Create tech free places that require you and your child to put the devices away for 10, 15 or even 60 minutes. The two easiest places to do this are the dinner table and the car. These are the places where it is easy to enforce and have face to face conversation. They are quick and easy ways to unplug and hear about the day. Everyone will benefit.

Turn off devices an hour before your child’s bedtime.

There is no question that kids are not getting enough sleep. If you work in a school, it is obvious that kids are tired. It can be challenging to get the recommended 10 hours of sleep for 7-12 year old, with afterschool activities, working parents, homework, etc. But I strongly recommend collecting devices an hour before bedtime so your child can unwind from technology. Play a game, read a book, listen to music…. but ensure the device is out of the bedroom and that stimulating blue light is out of your child’s vision. This will improve the overall quality of sleep. It is also critical to shut down the constant group messaging that is happening by taking the phone as bedtime approaches. The number is messages kids are receiving after 9pm via group chats is staggering. Last week, one class of 6th graders said there are over 200 group messages sent between 9am and 6am on their group chat!

The end of summer can be a tough time for everyone, especially kids transitioning into new schools, new classrooms, new teachers, and new friends. I hope that these suggestions make things smoother. Good luck to all and hoping for a wonderful 2019-2020 school year!

5 Non Tech Things To Do During Winter Break

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Winter break is right around the corner! December 21st. How exciting! There are so many fun things to do with the kids during the break. We can all sleep in a little longer, no lunches need to be packed, and no homework battles for 2 weeks! I have wonderful memories of all the fun we have that first week of winter break in anticipation of Christmas. We bake cookies, wrap presents, shop, and build gingerbread houses, all with heart pumping Christmas music playing in the background. Everyone is in a good mood as we spend time together without the stress of school and work and the injection of holiday cheer.

That is the first week….then Christmas comes and goes.  The decorations start to look a little tired after New Year’s. Nobody seems very eager to turn on the holiday lights at night. I start to grow weary of kids sleeping at all hours and eating meals continuously throughout the day. I find myself beginning to count the days until school is back in session. I am tired of Christmas sweets and I crave the routine to return to my life.

To make matters worse, it feels like we just detoxed our kids from the technology addiction that developed over the summer months. Whether Fortnite, Netflix, or your 13 year old daughter’s constant checks of her social media accounts, we are right back where we were at the end of August during that second week of winter break. With the tough Midwestern January weather setting in, we find ourselves a bit more house bound and sedentary.

Here are 5 things to try with your kids over winter break as a way to reduce the amount of time spent with technology.

  1. Do a puzzle – This is one of my favorite ‘Break’ activities.  I’ll pull out a 500 piece puzzle and open it up on the dining room table (pick a table that can be out of use for a week). I’ll start doing the puzzle and the kids will come and go across the break and work on it. Sometimes I find Ian quietly working on it alone for hours, which he says he really enjoys. Other times, Maeve and Cam will be working side by side with easy conversation between them. It is a no pressure activity that evolves as the week goes on.
  2. See a movie – Usually around Thanksgiving, I start up the conversation about what movies we should see over break. I work to build anticipation. Depending on the movie, it can be a family outing or more of a one on one, parent/child event. Yes, it may initially feel like just a more expensive Netflix substitution, but there is something special about going to the movies and it gets people up and out of the house. If cost is a concern, as movies have gotten really pricey, try one of these:
    1. Go to the first showing of the day for a reduced ticket price.
    2. Look for a Groupon for a $5 ticket.
    3. Check out some of the discount theaters and see a slightly older release movie.
  3. Put together a scavenger hunt – For years, this was one of our family’s New Year’s Eve traditions. I would buy a small prize for each child for the end of the hunt. The older kids would plan out the younger kids hunt with easier clues and then my husband would create the hunt for the older boys with much more challenging clues and puzzles. Between the planning and executing, this consumed hours of a day.
  4. Go for a hike at the Arboretum – I forget what a gift the Arboretum is here in our backyard. Depending if there is snow on the ground, you can spend hours walking the trails and if there is no snow on the ground, the beauty is spectacular. You get out of the house, everyone gets some much needed fresh air and exercise, and you can end it with hot chocolate in the restaurant. It makes a lovely afternoon without fighting the crowds and the cost of a city museum.
  5. Let the kids plan the day (sans technology) – This was another New Year’s Eve tradition with my family. The kids planned the day from start to finish! This included meals, games, movies to be watched and a few outdoor activities, weather permitting. We actually created committees for each child with a parent. One child planned all the meals, helped with the shopping, and cooked with a parent. Another child selected the movies and the outdoor activities and the third child planned the games that would be played. It is amazing to see what they want to do and eat when given the independence and freedom. They also learned how to consider what the other people would enjoy as they wanted their area of responsibility to be a success.

Let’s be honest, most kids will have an uptick in their tech use the second week of break. They want to unwind and do what they enjoy. The key is to find some ways to limit the tech and remind them how to enjoy other activities with their family over the holiday season.

True Thompson Instragram account – The scoop on baby Instagram accounts

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Earlier this week, it came out that Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson’s baby girl, True Thompson, has an Instagram account.  Less than a week old, she already has close to 200,000 followers!  Cyber Safety’s Liz Repking sits down with Yahoo Lifestyle to give her thoughts on the implications of social media accounts for celebrity babies and children in general.

Read more about True Thompson’s Instagram and Cyber Safety Consulting’s reaction

News Alert: Harvard Rescinds Offers for Obscene Memes

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40,000 high school students from the class of 2017 applied to Harvard this year. 2,056 of those applicants were offered admittance to the most prestigious university in the US. Approximately 1,725 applicants accepted Harvard’s offer. That is an acceptance rate of 4.3%! Those are pretty slim chances of getting into a dream college.

Privacy and permanency are two of the most difficult concepts for teens to comprehend when it comes to their activities online. Privacy does not exist in any form when talking about social media posts, texts, pictures, videos, etc. Permanency exists beyond the comprehension of middle school and high school students. The challenge we face as parents and educators is to find ways to take these two abstract concepts that teens struggle to understand and make them concrete and relatable. I have had the greatest success in communicating these ideas through the use of real life stories and examples that kids can understand and relate to. Here is the most recent story of teens making some extremely poor decisions online and the resulting consequences.

There are at least 10 students out there who just recently experienced the greatest accomplishments of their young lives. They achieved something that the vast majority of society can only dream about. They were accepted to Harvard University! I cannot imagine the amount of blood, sweat, and tears that went into 4 years of high school to achieve acceptance to Harvard. Yet, with a few poor decisions, a swipe of the finger, and some ignorance about the privacy and permanency of their social media activities, that acceptance has been revoked. I can almost guarantee you that every, single, one of these students have been instructed that their social media actions can have permanent and very severe consequences to their futures. These 2017 graduates have forever changed the course of their college future. If only they had thought before they posted…

Take a moment to share this story with your children or students. It is a great, yet sad, example of the permanency of social media. I will ask my children to read this story and see what their reactions are and where the conversation goes. There may be no comments or questions. There may be a simple shrug of the shoulders or a roll of the eyes. However, there may be a great conversation that results. Regardless, I can be certain that they will understand the impact of these 10+ formerly Harvard bound students’ online actions. This is a very relatable story that will help communicate the message of permanency.

Using Social Media as a College Application Tool

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If you have sent a child off to high school, you understand that bittersweet feeling of being proud of this child nearing young adult independence while realizing that same child will be flying the nest in 4 incredibly short years. And boy, do those 4 years go quickly!

There are so many things that we as parents are warning our kids about throughout their high school years, especially around the topic of technology and social media. We tell them over and over that one inappropriate comment or picture could greatly alter their future hopes and dreams. We tell them stories of pictures that went viral or comments that pushed another child past the brink. We share the fact that college admissions offices are looking at applicants online accounts and college coaches, like Renee Sloan of the University of Illinois, are requesting to follow or friend recruits’ social media accounts. Everyone wants a peak at the ‘real you’ and not just the test scores. They are asking ‘are you who you said you are?’ and the answer can be found through a student’s social media presence. While they need to hear these messages repeatedly, we all get tired of being the Debbie Downer about their social media activity.

But are colleges, coaches and even employers only looking for that reason to eliminate a student from the process? Not necessarily. The positive message and conversation that we can have with our children is that social media can and should be used in a positive way to differentiate from the masses. College admissions offices, coaches, and employers are looking to social media to find reasons to select one student over another and not as a way to eliminate. Tools such as LinkedIn, are platforms where high school students can differentiate themselves from the thousands of other highly talented and qualified applicants.

Alan Katzman of Social Assurity, is focused on helping high school students create an advantage over the competition through social media. In this 2 minute video segment from an ABC news affiliate, Katzman describes how and why students should use social media, thus improving the quality of applicant they are. Take a minute to watch this and if you have a high school student, watch it together! The best news is that this a great way to talk about the positive ways to utilize social media.