New Trend on Instagram: Posting Phone Numbers

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Who was your celebrity crush when you were 13? Was it Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe, Ralph Macchio, or maybe it was Tom Cruise. Risky Business was a good movie. Regardless of who it was, our only option was to buy some bad teen magazine and hope for a picture and a bit of gossip.

Fast forward to today’s teen and the current crushes….Joe Jonas, Harry Stiles, or the rest of the 1D band. Crushes remain constant over time. However, what has changed dramatically is the level of information available to today’s teen via the internet vs. the 80’s teen reading Tiger Beat. As always, along with the level of information available to today’s teen comes riskier behavior and dangers.

The newest fad among today’s kids using social media is to track their favorite celebrity crush on Instagram. Everyone who is anyone in the celebrity world has an Instagram account. People are posting numbers in the comments section claiming to be the phone number of the celebrity. Obviously these are not the real phone numbers. Unsuspecting kids believe that these are actual phone numbers.

Kids are calling and texting these numbers hoping to talk to the star crush. The reality is that they have no idea who they are contacting. If Share my Location is enabled on the device, whomever they are calling or texting can see where they are and where they have been, a predator’s pot of gold.

You can do a couple of things to increase your children’s safety:

  1. Ensure that Share My Location is disabled by going to  Settings > Privacy > Location Services > Share My Location.
  2. Explain to your kids the dangers associated with sharing your location and the importance of protecting your personal information. Even if you have talked to them previously, talk about it again. Try a different angle on the talk. Try asking them why Share My Location could be dangerous.
  3. Remind your kids one of the golden rules of the internet: Not everybody is who they say they are on the internet. Use a story to demonstrate how someone would pretend to be somebody else. Stories are one of the most effective methods for teaching kids about this. The story holds their interest and sticks with them.

Most importantly, take the time to understand Instagram, how it works and what your child is doing. Research, along with common sense, indicates that if you are involved with your child’s online activity, they will be more cautious about what they post leading to better judgement when using social media.

 

 

 

Monitoring your child’s smartphone: My Mobile Watchdog

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This is the 2nd installment of a series of 3 articles related to choosing a smartphone for your child.

In the 1st installment of this series, we compared Android and iOS devices when purchasing a cell phone for your child. Regardless of the device you choose, when you purchase a smartphone for your child, you are providing them with the capacity to connect and communicate with anyone, anytime, anywhere. Therefore, the ability to monitor your child’s activity on that phone is imperative if overall safety is important to you as a parent. For a variety of reasons, according to USA Today, the Android is the safer choice when selecting a device.

For me, as a parent of 3 children, the overwhelming reason why I will only allow them to have Android phones is the monitoring capabilities provided in these devices. There certainly is a debate whether and how to monitor a child’s device. Some parents are uncomfortable with the idea of monitoring software while others are huge proponents of it and somewhere in between lies the rest of us. My first priority, remember, is the safety of my children. This trumps the argument of invading my teenager’s privacy.

So, which software do you choose? Here is a cell phone software monitoring review for your convenience. Personally, I use and love My Mobile Watchdog (#4 on the list). I find the functionality so easy to use. The main capabilities it provides are:

MMWD Capabilities

As you can see, the functionality is very comprehensive, and while the list seems long and involved, the software is extremely user-friendly. My Mobile Watchdog is web-based. You simply set up an account, load the software onto your child’s phone, and then monitor the activity from any device (laptop, desktop, cell phone) that allows you internet access. Additionally, there is an app for iPhone and iPad that also allows you to monitor from your iOS devices as well. You pay monthly ($4.95 per month) for an account, which I prefer over a flat purchase fee for other software (priced between $50-$150). On one account, you can monitor up to 5 Android devices.

One of the most important parts of the software is the Activity Log. The log is where the details of the text messages, photos, website visits, application access, and phone calls on your child’s phone can be viewed. It is very user-friendly. The activity of the device can be reviewed in a matter of seconds to see if there is a stranger or someone flagged as an alert contacting your child. You can also easily see if there are pictures coming in or going out of the phone, (i.e. sexting, which has grown into a serious issue among teenagers).

MMWD Activity Log v3

The extent to which you use monitoring software is obviously up to you as a parent. Once the software is loaded, there is a broad spectrum of how it can be used to both monitor and parent your child. For various reasons, some parents need to see exactly whom their child is interacting with on a daily basis and this is easily done. For the parents that feel uncomfortable reading every text, this tool provides a safety net. Those who don’t want to monitor on a regular basis, can simply wait to use the software until they begin seeing negative changes in the child’s behavior. For example, if he goes missing, tries to hurt himself, grades drop dramatically, etc., this is where you can look to see if there is a bigger issue with your child.

One thing to realize when using monitoring software is lack of visibility into what kids are doing within applications. The software allows you to see what apps are being accessed and to also block any apps that are on the device. However, there is no ability to see exactly what is going on within the app itself. For example, if your child decides that he really doesn’t want you to see what he is messaging a friend, he can take the conversation over to applications like kik, which is a messaging app. You can see that he is accessing kik, but you will no longer have the ability to see who and what he is messaging. As a motivated parent working to keep your child safe, you should be aware of the apps that kids are using and what they do.

Finally, no amount of monitoring can ever replace parenting in the world of online safety. Monitoring is another tool to help you do your job of keeping your child safe. It provided a pathway to further communication with kids about what, how, and why certain behaviors are safe and appropriate online. Use these tools to make this job of parenting in this hyper digital age slightly easier and much more successful.

Next installment will look at having the difficult conversations with your child about monitoring their smartphone activity.

 

Angelina Jolie hires internet safety help

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I don’t always agree with all of Angelina Jolie’s view points, but one thing that cannot be argued is her devotion and work ethic when it comes to raising her 6 children . Certainly her children have opportunities and privilege beyond what any other children have in this world.  However, this does not exempt them from the dangers of the internet. In fact, a very strong argument can be made that they are at a much higher risk of danger given there popularity. I applaud Angelina’s humbleness and ability to put her children’s safety as a top priority. Read People’s article describing the decision Angelina made to keep her children safe.

Buying a cellphone for your child? Android vs. iPhone

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This is the 1st installment of a three part series related to choosing a smartphone for your child.

Are you feeling like the holiday season has completely snuck up on you? Didn’t we just finished cleaning out Thanksgiving leftovers from the fridge and now we are in a panic trying to get the perfect gifts for our children?

Many kids are either asking for their first mobile device or looking for a replacement for their current device. Most of the kids are fairly specific in which phone they want…iPhone, hands down. If you ask why it needs to be an iPhone, the reasons get rather vague.  I know this first hand as I just went through it with my 16 year old a month ago. He was insistent that it was iPhone or nothing. When I asked him why it could not be a state of the art Android, the response I received was ‘just because’. For most kids, the main reason that they want an iPhone is the same reason they need a Northface jacket….it’s popular, trendy, and what they know.

Before you go out and buy that iPhone 6, I challenge you to consider an Android device. You might feel like you don’t have a minute to spare researching the differences, but the work has been done for you. Take 5 minutes to read this comparison of iPhone vs. Android. It is a fair and easy to follow breakdown of the differences between the two types of devices: Android vs. iPhone for kids.

This article does a nice job of discussing the pros and cons of the two types of devices. In my opinion, the #1 reason to go Android over iPhone is because the Android provides the ability to use parental monitoring software. While the article mentions some specific software, I have found My Mobile Watchdog to be outstanding. I use this on my own my kids’ devices.

I have been asked many, many times about options for monitoring an iPhone. Some parents use the iCloud to see the texts that their children send. Other parents have tried to use ‘Jailbreak’ software to monitor the phone. Both of these options have so many limitations that they just aren’t worth it. At the end of the day nothing beats the functionality of software like My Mobile Watchdog if you are truly interested in keeping your child safe online.

Next installment will look at the functionality of My Mobile Watchdog in greater detail.

 

Did you know that there are apps that hide photos?

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In light of the several sexting incidences in the news, like New Trier, I have been thinking about where kids, on their devices, might keep these pictures. Some kids may receive a sext, look at it, and delete it for fear of getting caught with the image in their possession. However, many kids have no desire to part with these precious images. So where in the world do they store them?

If you are a parent that periodically ‘checks’ your child’s phone so you can rest easy that your teen is safe and sound, don’t be so sure that you are seeing everything. There are many very slick apps out there. One such category of these apps are those that hide photos and require a password to get to it.

Obviously, one advantage that these apps provide to kids that have inappropriate photos in their possession is that they can move the photos into a password protected app and get them off the camera roll. However, another huge advantage to this app for the kids is that most parents have no idea that such apps even exist. Therefore, when you simply check your child’s photo roll to ensure he is acting appropriately, you many have no idea that that the vault icon you see is housing potentially life changing photos should your child ever get caught with them. Yes, life changing! Young teenagers, 13 and 14 years old, are being brought up on child pornography charges. Yes, life changing!

In no way am I saying that all our kids are liars and hiding nude pictures in their phones. Most, I hope, are not. However, just take a second to look at this link to Mashable.com so that you are at least familiar with what is out there. Be familiar with what these icons look like so that you recognize it should you see it on your child’s phone.  And of course, keep talking to your child, keep educating yourself, and pay attention. Remember, the ultimate goal is to keep our kids safe.

Six Basic Tips for Kids to Increase Their Online Safety

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The most popular slide as part of my Internet Safety Curriculum to parents is titled ‘The Basics for Kids’. It is a slide that lists 6 quick and easy tips for kids that will increase their safety. Many people ask me for a copy of this particular slide. I decided that a quick blog entry listing these tips with an explanation would be very helpful to people. Here they are.

  1. Change your password after logging on to another device – Most operating systems remember passwords. When your child uses a friend’s device to log on to mail, social media, or an app, the operating system will remember the password. When a  few letters of the user name is entered, the rest of the user name appears and self populates both the user name and the password that goes with it. You can imagine the problems this can cause. Children change ‘best friends’ quickly and often leave some harsh feelings in their wake. The safest procedures to put in place is to teach your children to change a single letter or number in the password whenever they sign on to a device that is not their own. No need to get into a discussion about the status of the friendship. Just make it a hard and fast policy with no questions asked.
  2. Never give out personal information online – You certainly cannot remind your kids often enough about this rule. This includes, and certainly is not limited to, full name, age, location, phone number, family members’ names, etc. Along those same lines, remind them never to post vacation pictures. This is a clear sign that your house is empty and can be easily burglarized.
  3. Make sure location services is ‘off’ for the camera – There is a switch on every device that contains a camera called location services. When this is set to ‘on’, every picture and video captured with that device has metadata attached to the picture or video that provides location specific information, i.e. latitude and longitude coordinates of where the image was taken. When the pictures are posted to social media, that information about your child is readily accessible by people that you do not want knowing your child’s home address or hang out spots. You can keep location services on for applications that need it, like Google Maps, Gas Buddy, etc.
  4. Never share a password – Like #2, you cannot tell your child this tip often enough. ‘But Mom, she is my best friend!’ Friends come and friends go, especially at the ages of 10-18. The key is to get our kids to understand the power of the password and that the only people who are entitled to that power are themselves and parents.
  5. Password protect cell phones – Kids lose their phones, as well as get them stolen, very often. Similar to the power of the password, if someone picks up your child’s phone and it is unprotected, that person has the power of the password and can do very serious damage in your child’s name. One example of this is the story of the new girlfriend who picked up the boyfriend’s phone on a bus when he wasn’t looking. She texted the old girlfriend, posing as the boy, and said something like ‘I wish I never went out with you and I wish you would die.’ Unbelievable, I know, but it is a true story. The old girlfriend was found a day later after killing herself. Had that phone been password protected, that may not have happened.
  6. Add the app Fone Home to cell phones – Available for both iPhones and Androids, this web based app allows you to track your lost or stolen device. It has several interesting features including setting up a siren to help locate the device even if it is on vibrate, which can be helpful when the device is lost at a soccer field! Check it out: Fone Home. Here is a description of some of the features:

Fone Home featurs

Obviously, there are many tips we can use to keep both our kids safe and their devices safe. These are just a few. Please feel free to comment if you have some others that would be helpful to people.

News Alert: Sexting incident at New Trier High School

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Sexting. Not my kid. My kid would never do that. I hear it at every parent presentation and quite honestly, I would probably say the same thing about my own kids if I didn’t know better. The consequences are becoming more and more severe for  anyone caught sending and/or receiving pornographic images.  The most recent incident in the news, New Trier Sexting, has occurred in one of the most affluent suburbs of Chicago, Winnetka, at one of the most highly rated public high schools in the country, New Trier High School. I would bet the farm that the parents of these 12 kids would have made the same claim ‘My kid would never do that.’ They will, they did, and now the punishment is swift and severe along with the publicity and humiliation.

I choose to be an optimist when it comes to kids. I think that the majority of kids that make this mistake are more ignorant of the real harm they are causing as well as the consequences of getting caught. In a survey by DoSomething.org, 40% of teens that sext say that they do it as a joke. I don’t believe that these teens are trying to peddle porn. I believe that they, somehow, think it is funny to do this. Yes, it is cruel, mean and sick, but probably not done out of a criminal motivation.

This is where we come in as parents. We need to start these conversations early, probably earlier than you would like or are comfortable with. However, kids as young as 10, 11, 12 are sexting! We need to educate them not only that it’s wrong but also about the consequences of such online behavior.

Starting these conversations can be very uncomfortable for you and for your child. In my blog Snapchat: Do these pictures really disappear forever? I suggested some ways to initiate conversations about topics such as sexting. One suggestion was to find a current, relevant article to share with your child and then open up a discussion about it. Here’s your chance. There are a couple of different topics in this one article:

  • Ask your child for his thoughts and opinions on the peer jury.
  • What does your child think is an appropriate punishment?
  • What would your child do if he was the recipient of such pictures?
  • How did the pictures originate?

I think that you might be surprised at the opinions that our children have and the stories that they might offer about similar situations.

As I was writing this blog, I ran this exact experiment on my 16 year old.  I showed him the article and asked what he thought. It was hard to get him talking. I got a small window to ask him what he would do if he ever receives a sext. He said he would simply delete it. I told him that legally that is not enough. According to Detective Rich Wistocki out of the Naperville Police Department, he needs to do two things: 1.He needs to tell the sender to stop sending him the pictures. 2. He needs to tell a parent, teacher, etc. that he received this. Remember, both the sender and the recipient are guilty if these two actions are not taken. I have to admit that the information was received as most 16 year old boys would receive it….an eye roll and a nod. But he heard me and has now seen a real world example of the consequences for the 12 kids from New Trier.

 

Snapchat: Do those pictures really disappear forever?

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Did you hear that Snapchat was hacked, also known as ‘The Snappening’? The hackers claim that they will be releasing up to 200,000 pictures from Snapchat. Many of these images are nude or semi nude pictures that kids, as young as 10 or 11 years old, have snapped to other people. Half of Snapchat users are teenagers. Soooo…..once again, take this chance to remind your young ‘snapper’ that nothing disappears on the internet. Nothing. Ever.

Do you think your child is using Snapchat? Have you talked to her about the reality of disappearing pictures? It can be a tough discussion especially when you talk about the nature of some of these pictures. One of the best ways to generate a discussion with children is to take the attention off of them. They tend to get defensive, discount what you say as ‘you don’t know what you are talking about’, and shut down. One suggestion is to have them read an article about the incident. There are many out there.  Just Google ‘The Snapping’. Then ask them what they think about it. Believe it or not, kids have strong opinions about this stuff. They may not always be too accurate, but they have them. Once you get them comfortable talking, they will probably have a story or two about what has happened to them or their friends.

In case you are not all too familiar with Snapchat, let’s take a second to give you the basics.

What is it?

Snapchat is a photo messaging application. Users can take pictures, record videos, add text and drawings, and send it to a list of recipients. The attraction, especially for kids, is the concept that the photo ‘disappears’ after a defined amount of time, 1-10 seconds. The intent of the founders was to created a social network with greater privacy than other social networks, like Instagram and Facebook.

Like many social networks, users must be 13 years old, which really doesn’t slow down any 10, 11, or 12 year old. As long as simple math can be done, 2014-13, anyone can set up an account.

How popular is it?

Pretty popular! Snapchat was launched in September, 2011. As of September 2014, there are 100 million monthly active users. And how many snaps does that amount to? Ready for this? The number of snaps per day is 400 million! Holy Snapchat! Clearly it has the attention of the public, specifically, the 10-17 year old public.

What are the dangers?

The most obvious danger is the incorrect perception that the image ‘disappears’. Let me say it one more time. Nothing. Disappears. On. The. Internet. While most kids cannot hack into the Snapchat servers, they sure are capable of taking a screenshot. Yes, a notification is sent to the sender that a screenshot was taken. But so what? Who cares? Certainly not the receiver that took the screenshot because the photo is now saved and in his possession.

A second danger is the false sense of security that the disappearing picture perception gives kids. Those that have previously exercised good judgement in their picture choices, now feel more comfortable pushing the envelope on the type of pictures and get a little more daring. There is a lot of pressure to get edgier, more daring. Why not? It’s fun and the picture is gone in 10 seconds. Right? Not so much.

What can you do?

As always, communicate with your child.  Find a way to start a dialog on this topic. Most often, kids are simply unaware of the dangers and the implications of inappropriate actions. Children, especially the 10, 11, and 12 year olds, are very literal. We tell them that the picture never goes away. They nod their heads as if they understand. However, when I teach kids, I hear more often than not ‘My mom told me that, but I didn’t really understand what she meant.’ They need concrete examples and stories that they can relate to and connect the dots.

Privacy Settings

I, actually, had never heard about privacy settings for Snapchat. But yes, there are a couple. There is one for who can send you snaps and another for who can see your stories. Follow this link for easy to follow instructions on how to set this for your child. Snapchat Privacy Settings

At the end of the day, Snapchat, like most apps, is a fun social network. The key is for you to understand the app, its risks, and communicating to your child about appropriate usage and dangers.

How do you set time limits with technology in your family?

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My cousin shared this article from the New York Times with me. Take a second to read it. It is pretty interesting.

Steve Jobs was a Low Tech Parent

Personally, I found this article to be both thought provoking and humbling, with a little bit of humor sprinkled in (loved the part about touch screens in Jobs’ home). I initially just shared it on my personal Facebook page. A couple of friends remarked on the article, and I could see the wheels turning in their heads as well as my own as to how we handle limits of technology in our homes.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not the model parent when it comes to screen time limitations. Like some of you, I have all the rationalizations at the ready to relieve my guilt: my kids are active, homework gets done, grades are good (most of the time), none of them are obsessive with it (not completely true), blah, blah, blah. We do have one rule that is never violated and I am happy to say never even challenged: No tech at any meals, either in the house or at a restaurant.

After reading the article and being honest with myself, I thought about what I should do. Do I institute limits? Do I collect devices during the week? These are both possible solutions. Heck, they seem to work for the big wigs of the world that we all depend on to give us the next, great iPhone. However, as I thought a little more, I realized that there are some difficulties with this in my home, and I don’t think there is one solution that fits all three of my kids.

When do they out grow limits?

I have a high school junior and quite honestly, he probably could benefit the most from some limits. However my overriding objective with him is to teach him how to self regulate and get him ready to go off to college. The harsh reality is that he will be ON HIS OWN in 22 VERY short months (sniff, sniff). I’d much rather see him struggle with independence now rather than when he goes off to college. The price of struggling with independence at that point is very high both emotionally and financially.

My current approach across his life is to create responsibility for him to managing his life by giving him independence WITH consequences. The goal is to get him to balance his technology time with homework, activities, and responsibilities. Certainly I monitor this, offer guidance, provide gentle reminders, and if necessary, enforce consequences when he does not succeed at finding the balance. So for my high school junior, hard limits might prove to be more detrimental in the long run.

Should limits be affected by how the technology is being used?

The other two kids in the house are 13 and 10 years old. It would be logical to set limits for these two. The 13 year old probably would not even use his allotment of screen time and could sell off his excess to his younger sister! He tends to be more interested in things that involve some type of ball and movement.

The 10 year old is a little more of a conundrum. She is on her iPad a lot. However, I am fascinated with how and what she does. She is not allowed on Instagram or other social media sites and does not really play games. She loves to create charms with clay. Unbeknownst to me, there is a vast online community doing this. So she creates instructional videos that she shares (she is highly aware of a the safety of not showing her face and giving out any personal info) and follows other crafters. I’m amazed at the creative outlet she has found. I ask myself ‘Would I limit her time of crafting if technology was not involved?’ Absolutely not. I actually would encourage it. For her, technology has enhanced a very creative skill.

What am I demonstrating?

Hello, my name is Liz and I am a phone addict! One of my parenting mantras is to not expect something from my children that I don’t expect of myself. If I’m honest with myself, my use is slightly excessive. Yes, it is part of my job. But, I could put my phone down more often. I could not check my email at every stop light. I really don’t need to read Facebook posts multiple times a day. I am the living, breathing example to my children. If I question their amount of time on technology, maybe I should be cognizant of my own. I’m sure I’m not alone here.

So what is the bottom line of my reflection on this article? In an effort to create some limits that might work in my home, I think I might propose a ‘Technology Free Night’. We can have dinner together and play an old fashion game or maybe watch a movie. The goal is not to punish anyone in the family by limiting technology but rather to promote and encourage healthy, family bonding behavior. The technology tends to disconnect us all. So maybe that is the goal for us…take some time to build real connections.

 

What in the World is This Cloud Everyone is Talking About?

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I know you have all heard of the “Cloud”. Your kids might have said things like “Oh, it’s up on the cloud” or “I’ll pull it off the cloud.” They might even turn in homework through the cloud.

Let’s be honest….how many of us really know what in the world they are talking about? How many of us picture the homework assignment floating on a white, puffy cloud amongst a pretty blue sky? Sure, you may be able to fake your way through a cocktail party conversation on the topic, but if someone called you out to explain it, I’m guessing your ship would be sunk.

So why is this post about the cloud? Good question. The main reason is to help you gain a better understanding of what our children already innately know and understand. One of my philosophies is that our job as parents is to educate ourselves about the world that our children are growing up in. If we want to guide them safely and gracefully into adulthood, then we need to understand the landscape of their world.

Here’s a little secret: You just need to know enough so that your children THINK you know more! You do not have to know more than they do in order to build your credibility with them. Actually, you do not even have to know as much as they do. You just need to be able to hold a reasonable conversation with them and many times you can learn more from them once you get them talking.

iCloud 101 Tutorial

What is it? iCloud is a storage and computing service launched by Apple in October 2011. Currently, there are 320 million users. It allows you to store your data, like music, pictures and apps on remote servers. In today’s world, we have so much data that we are using on our devices, that we run out of space. Now we can store all that data on the cloud and then download it to, or run it through, other devices.

What can we use it for? Basically it lets you access your music, photos, videos, documents, and any other data from whatever device your are using. You can access music on your iPad from your iPhone, etc. This translates into content everywhere. Anything you purchase (think iTunes, App Store, etc.) is automatically available on all your devices. You can also share photos with friends and family by creating a shared photo stream.

I remember a few years ago when I  lost my phone that had ALL my contacts and appointments in it. I was frantic not for the phone, but for the data that it contained. My husband said, “When was the last time you synced your phone?’ It had been over a year. I never took the time to sync the phone to the computer. I hated the process! Fast forward to today’s world of the cloud. Whenever your iOS device is turned on, locked and connected to a power source and WIFI, the data will be backed up to the cloud. Good bye to the idea of syncing the device, It is done for you.

Now that you have a working knowledge of the cloud, how can you initiate a conversation with your child? What better way than to talk about a current event involving the star of Hunger Games? Ask your child if she heard about Jennifer Lawrence’s nude photos being hacked and posted on line. Here is CNN’s story on it:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/01/showbiz/jennifer-lawrence-photos/

I believe that one of the best ways to talk to my kids about important topics is to find a non-threatening third party subject to talk about like this recent news story. It creates a conversation where my kids feel free to express their opinions and do not feel the need to defend themselves as it isn’t about them. It also provides living, breathing examples of what can go wrong. The conversation could go in a couple of different directions that open up some great topics for discussion.

  1. Talk about the ever popular topic of how secure (never perfectly secure) the Internet really is.
  2. How about the idea that once a picture is out there on the Internet, there is a risk that it will get out to an unintended and sometimes very large audience.  Once posted, always posted!
  3. Why did Jennifer Lawrence have nude photos on her cloud account at all? Discuss the appropriateness of her photos that were stolen.

Just for fun, try this out tonight at the dinner table. I think you will be amazed at how easily the conversation takes off in several directions!