Have you heard of Jott Messenger? I had not until I received an email from Jott Messenger the other day. So naturally I Googled it. Here is what I discovered from Common Sense Media:

JOTT MESSENGER allows kids to send text and photo messages to Instagram connections and friends at school. To create an account, kids have to enter a valid email address or cell phone number and then enter a PIN sent via email or text. Once an account is created, the app asks permission to look at your contacts: If you and a friend both use Jott Messenger, you’ll be able to start sending messages right away. You also can allow the app to use your phone’s GPS to help you find your schools. You can add any school without proof that you attend, but to see more than the basic profiles of other students, you have to ask a peer to verify you really go to that school. There also are lots of rules regarding behavior and easy-to-block-bully features.

The next thing I wondered was how popular is this app with kids. Apparently, it is quickly gaining steam! According to an article by CNN Money, it is described in these words:

A white-hot new app for instant messaging, Jott has nearly 500,000 monthly users and one million app installs after just three months on the market.

As with most apps, there are pros and cons to be considered. Jott seems to be no different. Similar to other messaging apps, it allows messaging without data plans. Therefore, kids without cell phones won’t be left out of the texting conversations. They can participate in one to one chats and group chats. But there are some concerns with Jott:

• Generally, parents are unaware of Jott’s existence. This allows kids to message freely, even if parents ‘check their texts’, as parents do not realize that Jott is being used.
• Although there are lots of rules regarding behavior, the content is not monitored. It is up to users to report inappropriate activity.
• Photos sent via Jott self destruct, similar to Snapchat. This can create a false sense of security among kids leading them to be a bit more daring in what they are willing to send to friends. Additionally, the photo can be captured by other users on their devices and kept permanently as well as shared with others.

Finally, the initial email that I received regarding Jott concerns me. The email was a notification that a young girl that I know was now using Jott.  The email stated the following (names have been changed):

Susie Smith is on Jott and has added you. Jennifer Jones and Katie Johnson have already joined.

Obviously, I know who Susie is, but I am not familiar with Jennifer and Katie. That is a significant concern that the names of other kids using the app are being shared with not just strangers, but adult strangers. I believe that when Susie created an account, she allowed the app to use her Instagram contacts to automatically connect with others. Talk to your kids about this feature and the risks associated with it. Additionally, there was a picture of Susie included in the email that I received. As a parent, I never want my child’s profile picture being sent via email to anyone.

To read a more comprehensive description of Jott, use this link to Common Sense Media.

Cell phone rules are one of the most common dilemmas for parents of teenagers: How do I establish rules around the use of my child’s cell phone? There are so many challenges that go along with this. First of all, for both parents and kids, this topic can quickly become a source of negativity. Nobody, parent or child, wants another thing to nag or be nagged about: grades, curfew, friend choices, how they dress, etc. Personally, I much prefer to take away subjects from this list rather than add to it.

Cell phone rules are similar in discussion to technology limits that I wrote about in How Do You Set Technology Limits in Your Family. Certainly you need to determine the needs of your family as a whole and specifically for your child when establishing rules around the use of the phone. It is definitely not a ‘one size fits all’ solution. However, I think that this article from Your Teen Magazine suggest some great starting points in thinking through what might work in your home.

In my opinion, the most important thing to remember is to think this through before you get that very first phone for your child. It is nearly impossible to backtrack on the rules after they have the phone in their possession. Personally, we present the rules of the phone BEFORE we actually purchase the device. If there is push back from the child on the ground rules then we hold off on purchasing the phone. It is a very simple conversation….if you don’t agree to the rules, then no phone.

About a year ago, I was challenged on this very topic. When my daughter was 9 years, she decided that she wanted to save her money to buy an iPad. I figured that after a week or two, this idea would die on the vine. Nope. She pulled weeds, walked dogs, washed her grandmother’s patio furniture and anything else she could do in order to earn a buck. As the summer progressed, it became clear that she was going to save $330 for her ‘very own’ iPad. As she neared the finish line and started talking about the purchase and use of the iPad, I decided it was time to establish the ground rules. She agreed to all but one: Mom takes the iPad at 9:00pm for the night. Her argument was that she was buying it and it was ‘all hers’. I simply and calmly stated that yes it was hers, but we were allowing her to buy this and if she didn’t agree to the rules, she could not purchase it. Not unlike her mother, she is a stubborn and determined child. She said ‘fine, I won’t buy it’, trying to call my bluff. I then suggested that she could buy 3 American Girl dolls with all that money she earned! This was not the response she was looking for. I left the topic alone. After a few days, she came to me and agreed to the rules. A few hours later, we went to the store and purchased the iPad. Had she purchased that iPad and then I tried to establish the rules, it would have been parental suicide for me!

The other big rule that I am a stickler on is no phones, or devices of any kind, at the dinner table. The dinner table includes eating at home or in a restaurant. It also includes family gatherings even if their cousins are using their phones at the table. Meal times are one of the only times that we truly come together as a family and talk. Everyone, including me and my husband, can put their phones down for 30 minutes and talk to each other. This rule started when my children were babies and playing with Leapsters, Nintendo DS, or any other hand held device that entertained them over the years. While I understand that your meal may be much more pleasant if the kids are entertained at the table when they are little, you would be shocked at the quality of conversation you can have at a meal as the kids get older. It is truly priceless. Because we started it young, suffered through a several uncomfortable and quick restaurant visits with toddlers, we now reap the benefits as they are teenagers.

Finally, realize that you can always adjust the rules as your child gets older. Start with stronger rules in place and loosen them where you feel it is appropriate with age and maturity. Remember, as they grow up, the goal is to teach them appropriate technology behavior and to create independence in them.

It has been an ironic week. I received two messages from moms sharing their stories with me. One mom had attended a safety presentations where we talked about Instagram. The other mom follows me on Facebook and my website. They are different people with different parenting styles. One had a success story while one had a troubling story to share. However, where the differences end is in the fact that they both have become involved in their children’s online life and both are looking at their middle schoolers’ Instagram accounts (Yippee!)

Let’s start with the good story. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.) Susie walked into the presentation as a self proclaimed technology challenged parent. She didn’t understand social media and was intimidated. As a result, her child had no social media privileges. Her daughter kissed her mother good night as she left for the meeting with the hope that she could get an Instagram account at breakfast the next day after her mother became a social media aficionado.

Susie took copious notes as we talked about the pros and cons of Instagram. She followed along when I walked through how to set up the account so that it is private. The next day, feeling a bit more comfortable and confident with Instagram, she gave her daughter the go ahead to set up an account (queue the cheers from 6th graders). As her daughter downloaded the app and opened her account, Susie ensured that the privacy was set properly and obtained the password from her daughter.

A few days after her Instagram was up and running, I received this in an email:

Katie plays the piano.  It’s a lot of hard work and she always acts like she HATES it.  Yesterday she had a recital, and played a piece successfully that she has been practicing for months.  When she got home, she posted a video of her performance to her Instagram friends.  This morning I got a bit teary when I read over the incredibly sweet and encouraging comments from her friends.  This was just the shot in the arm she needed to continue with piano.  I never thought I’d say this, but “Thank God for Instagram”.  I can tell Katie over and over again how special it is that she can play the piano, but when her PEERS tell her, that’s darn effective (:

The second story comes from a mom who found an Instagram post ‘alarming’. The other day, while her son was at school, she paged through his account. She found a post from another child who her son doesn’t hang around with but is following. The post said this:

Alarming? I agree! Alarming on many levels. Is this kid really suffering? Is this kid trying to bother another kid with unbelievable guilt? Is this a middle schooler’s idea of a joke? This mom had no idea who the child was and what the situation might be but she was very concerned. She immediately called the school counselor and told him what she found. Within hours the post was gone. She may never know any of the answers to what was really behind the post, but that is not important. What is important is that she checked her child’s account, found something very troubling and acted on it. She may have helped a child in trouble or maybe prevented another child from being bullied online.

One story makes me feel good and demonstrates the good that can come from social media. Another story bothers and scares me as to how kids use social media and what they are willing to put out there. But the good news is that these are both great examples of what happens when parents take an active role in their children’s online life. Safety levels are increased not only for their own children but for many others. Conversations take place. Kids are educated. Parents are aware.

Thank you to both of you for sharing your stories with me. And thank you for allowing me to share them with others.